When I’m not on my way to becoming the next Pro Hart through online NGV painting classes, or working towards folding myself in half after the fourth yoga class for the day, let’s face it, I’m watching TV.
Obviously there are hundreds, if not thousands, of titles for your every mood. But today I was desperate to watch Alias. And could I find it on ANY of the five streaming services I have? Not a chance! Instead we’re stuck with absolute trash like The Healer and Love Wedding Repeat (please make it stop!).
This led me into a spiral of all the titles that Australia is lacking in our lockdown hours of need. So I made a list. And I’m sending it to Netflix in a stern letter.
Alias
Alongside Buffy, Sydney Bristow (Jennifer Garner) was my epitome of a strong, young female protagonist. She was smart, could whip any man’s ass, and had the costume box of my dreams. Yeah it got a little bat shit in the end as all good series do, but it was still a wild ride. It also featured Michael Vartan in his peak Never Been Kissed era, and a young, dorky Bradley Cooper as the lovelorn friend. Still waiting to be recruited by the CIA…
Final Destination 1 & 2
These movies were severely underrated, muddied in the swamp of the peak horror movie era of the late 90s, early 2000s. Devon Sawa before he disappeared off the face off the planet, scenes of our young heroes narrowly escaping their doom over and over before getting literally flattened by a pane of glass, and that infamous log truck opening scene (which still triggers me to this day every time I drive behind one). The common enemy in all these films – death, you can’t outrun it and you cannot escape, hence you be locked in the nuthouse for the rest of your living days. Edge-of-your-seat shit.
Empire Records
I wished then, and let’s be honest still do, that I was ever as cool as the bunch of misfits who banded together to save their beloved Empire Records from the evil hands of Music Town. A sexually heady awakening for any teen, it ticked every angst box, from unrequited love to recreational drug use, mental health, addiction, living up to societal pressures, and petty crime. Not a year has gone by that I haven’t celebrated Rex Manning Day (April 8, FYI).
Twister
If you say that you didn’t envision your future as a young American storm chaser after watching 90s CLASSIC Twister then you’re either lying or Amish. Its use of Wizard of Oz references tugged on those nostalgic heartstrings, and how the hell Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton managed to stay strapped to that pole in the ground inside the eye of the tornado is something only the physics gods will ever know.
Speed, Point Break
Sometimes, when you’ve four days into your couch divot, you need a movie to energise and get the heart racing. And who better to ignite that fire than the most precious god that is Keanu Reeves, in some of his most thrilling work to date. Tell me you wouldn’t want to be on a bus that couldn’t slow down if our lord and saviour was going to save the day. And lest we forget Patrick Swayze as the devilish but oh so handsome best bank robber Bodhi.
Call me by your name
When I’m stuck in my Australian suburbia house, with nothing to do but dream of travels to come, I want nothing more than to be whisked away to Italy for a summer romance between two young men, filled with longing, warm Mediterranean nights by the sea and all that fruit…I’ve had to, god forbid, resort to reading the books! What a peach!
The entire Wed Anderson back catalogue
Life can feel out of control in times like these, so what a better way to relax the mind than through the supremely aesthetically-ordered mind of Wes Anderson. The Royal Tenenbaums will forever reign supreme, but what I wouldn’t give for a visit to the Grand Budapest Hotel or a ride on the Darjeeling Limited right now. Symmetrical eyegasms all round.
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